What to do when your child has a nightmare
At some point your toddler or bigger kid will mention that they are scared of the dark, monsters, or closing the door. It is often genuine, although sometimes it’s just a stalling tactic. Of course you want to acknowledge their fears and support them, but how do you keep sleep from unraveling? How do you make sure you aren’t suddenly sleeping at the foot of your child’s bed (or worse, floor), co-sleeping again, or dealing with multiple wake ups?
The answer is in finding solutions that work both to ease their fears, AND ALSO, uphold sleep boundaries. Because you know what can spark even more nightmares or night terrors? Sleep deprivation.
Offer reassurance without overindulging the fear. Acknowledge their feelings (“I know it feels scary when the room is dark”) but keep your response calm and brief, so fears don’t get more attention than needed.
Use tools wisely. A small nightlight, a favorite stuffed animal, or a “monster spray” ritual can provide comfort without changing the sleep setup.
Hold the boundary. If your child asks you to sleep in their room, gently decline. You can check in once or twice to reassure them, but keep the limit consistent so you don’t accidentally create a new habit.
Give choices that empower. Let your child decide if the door stays cracked an inch or two, or which stuffed animal sleeps beside them. Small choices build confidence and reduce resistance.
Stay consistent. If bedtime rules change every night, kids quickly learn to push for more. Sticking with your plan shows them that they’re safe, loved, and that sleep is non-negotiable.
With time, your child learns that they can handle nighttime fears—and you protect their rest (and yours!).
What does this look like at our house? (story time)
Believe me, I practice what I preach!
We live in a townhome where my son (5 years old) sleeps on the top floor. He doesn’t like being up there on his own, but that’s just the lay out of the house, and we figured when he gets older he would like having the loft area. Anyway, a few months after moving in, he decided he was scared. He said he heard noises and woke up crying a few times. First we allowed him to sleep with his sister, but this became a problem because her bedtime was an hour later than his and she had nowhere to play or read before bed.
After a few months of them room sharing, I finally decided I would need to work with him like I do with my clients to get him back in his room. For the first few nights back in his room, one of us laid with him while he fell asleep to help him ease out of the fear. We showed him where the noises were coming from (the A/C turning on and off), and reassured him that we (dog included) were downstairs making sure he stayed safe. After that I told him we would not be laying with him but I would come check on him after my shower.
That worked perfectly and we have settled on a wide open door, lights on in the hallway, and a bedtime check promise (although he is always fast asleep by the time I go check). He still complains about sleeping up there but I always highlight how cozy and comfortable his room is and how well he sleeps there.
What would I have done if this hadn’t worked so easily? Probably the chair method with some rewards weaved in! Just like I do for my big kid and toddler clients, but I didn’t have to go that far. Always start with simple support before going all in.
The other important part? I caught where his fears were coming from: YOUTUBE! He is no longer allowed to watch youtube videos. It’s just impossible to filter even on the kids version. So definitely pay attention to what they are visually consuming.
There is a second part to bedtime scaries and those are called Night Terrors which are completely unrelated to nightmares and honestly scarier for mom and dad than the child! I will catch you next week to break those down.
Hey There!
I'm Stephanie Zabaneh
I’m Steph! I am a mother of two, living in Alexandria, Virginia, and I help families and their little ones get the sleep they crave in order to thrive.
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